0: Great job being curious and motivated about your relationship.
I'm excited to help you and your partner, or any loved one,
get closer and more connected.
By understanding which of the five Communication Zones you're currently in,
you'll know what you need to do next to improve your communication,
so you can stop struggling, talk about anything,
and grow close and connected.
1: You and your partner are currently in the Guarded Communication Zone.
This means that talking to each other isn't working very well right now.
In the Guarded Communication Zone, at times,
especially when there's an island of calm, you can have an okay talk,
but for the most part you don't feel especially seen,
heard or understood by each other.
You have success with some less personal conversations when life isn't too
stressful, but finding the right moment to talk is challenging.
It's hard to listen to each other with patience.
0: Your relationship can get there,
with some loving work and attention to move step-by-step up through the
Communications Zones.
1: There are five Communications Zones in all,
ranging from Closed to Open,
and you can move up towards the Open Zone with safety and the right
skills and structure. Now you'll hear about your Zone again,
and how it fits with the others. In the Closed Zone,
communication between the two of you doesn't feel safe,
and you're easily startled, or might feel threatened by attempts to talk.
You're struggling, and you feel distant from each other. In the Guarded Zone,
you're able to talk sometimes under the best circumstances,
but you close up quickly under stress. You still feel unsafe a lot,
and your struggles are keeping you disconnected.
In the Revolving Zone you're likely cycling between feeling safe and
unsafe, depending on the situation at that moment.
You feel hopeful at times when you talk well together,
and worried at other times when your communication closes back up.
In the Accessible Zone,
you're likely to feel calm most of the time when you want to talk,
and you're confident you can talk through the everyday discussions for the
most part. You want to grow closer and you know it's possible.
In the Open Zone you feel relaxed and welcoming when you want to talk.
Most of your conversations go pretty smoothly, and talking is enjoyable.
You're eager to take your relationship deeper,
to feel truly close and connected.
Moving beyond these five zones, to optimal communication,
is where you'd like to go in your relationship.
When you know how to communicate really well,
you can dive deeper and explore the relationship and lives you
dreamed of having together. I'm Dr. Sarah Salzman,
leading Couples Psychologist and Founder & CEO of the Couples
Communication Institute,
where it's our mission to help you move up from those closed,
struggling zones,
to grow the confidence to communicate and thrive together,
and then beyond to the kind of closeness and connection that
few couples are able to achieve.
Since your relationship is currently in the Guarded Zone,
your first priority is creating safety and calm between you
and your partner, as much as possible.
You know how when you're focusing on something,
and someone starts talking to you out of the blue,
how irritated and frustrated you feel no matter what they were going to talk
about? Your partner probably feels the same way when they're startled
by what feels to them like an interruption by you.
Here's an easy, and game changing tip I want to share with you.
Take the lead in starting to establish safe communication when you want to
talk by going into the room where your partner is,
looking at them to see if they're available, and then seeing their name gently.
If they look up at you, then ask them nicely if they have a minute.
Right out of the gate,
you're setting up safer communication and you'll have a much better chance of
success.
Check the emails you'll be receiving over the next few days for more
information and personalized next steps for your current
Communication Zone. From the link in your email, download your FREE
Calm and Connected Communication & Support Guide to help you to move upwards
towards, and stay in, the more Open zones, and get close
and connected with your partner.
The first email from the Couples Communication Institute will be in your inbox,
so download your guide from there. To keep moving your relationship
forward to the next level, so you can connect and get closer,
be sure to register for the next FREE WEBINAR at the link below on this page.
I'll see you on the other side,
as you work to get close and connected with your partner.