0: Great job being curious and motivated about your relationship.
I'm excited to help you and your partner, or any loved one,
get closer and more connected by understanding which of the five
Communication Zones you're currently in,
you'll know what you need to do next to improve your communication so you can
stop struggling, talk about anything and grow close and connected.
1: You and your partner are currently in the Revolving Communication Zone.
This means that you're part-way open and part-way closed.
In the Revolving Communication Zone,
you have some good skills and habits,
and can also be stuck in irritation and failed attempts to talk.
Some days, conversations get somewhere,
and other days you regret bringing something up.
One or the other of you can feel seen, heard,
or understood at times, but not consistently.
Depending on the swing of the door,
you can feel hopeful or really blocked.
0: Your relationship can get more consistently close,
with some loving work and attention to move step-by-step up through the
Communication Zones.
1: There are five Communications Zones in all,
ranging from Closed to Open,
and you can move up towards the Open Zone with safety and the right
skills and structure. Now you'll hear about your Zone again,
and how it fits with the others. In the Closed Zone,
communication between the two of you doesn't feel safe,
and you're easily startled, or might feel threatened by attempts to talk.
You're struggling, and you feel distant from each other. In the Guarded Zone,
you're able to talk sometimes under the best circumstances,
but you close up quickly under stress.
You still feel unsafe a lot, and your struggles are keeping you disconnected.
In the Revolving Zone you're likely cycling between feeling safe
and unsafe, depending on the situation at that moment.
You feel hopeful at times when you talk well together,
and worried at other times when your communication closes back up.
In the Accessible Zone,
you're likely to feel calm most of the time when you want to talk,
and you're confident you can talk through the everyday discussions for the most
part. You want to grow closer and you know it's possible.
In the Open Zone you feel relaxed and welcoming when you want to talk.
Most of your conversations go pretty smoothly, and talking is enjoyable.
You're eager to take your relationship deeper,
to feel truly close and connected.
Moving beyond these five zones, to optimal communication,
is where you'd like to go in your relationship.
When you know how to communicate really well,
you can dive deeper and explore the relationship and lives you
dreamed of having together. I'm Dr. Sarah Salzman,
leading Couples Psychologist and Founder & CEO of the Couples
Communication Institute,
where it's our mission to help you move up from those closed,
struggling zones,
to grow the confidence to communicate and thrive together,
and then beyond to the kind of closeness and connection that
few couples are able to achieve.
0: Since your relationship is currently in the Revolving Zone.
1: Your priority now is more reliably creating the conditions for having
Open communication,
and moving farther away from the Closed Communication Zone.
You know how when you and your partner try to talk,
and there are some times when it's almost guaranteed to go poorly?
For me,
it's trying to talk when I'm rushing to get out the door,
or last thing before bed at night.
Here's an easy yet game-changing tip I want to share with you.
Start out by thinking through your own energy and flow in the course
of your day and your week,
and identify the best times for you to have a quality conversation;
some runner-up good times; and the worst times.
Now do the same for your partner's time. If it's comfortable,
ask your partner directly.
But if this is a more closed time between the two of you,
make your best guess until you can ask them for the time of day your
partner's energy is best to talk together. Then,
take a leadership role and make a point to have your next conversation with your
partner be at a time when energy and flow will be best for
both of you.
Check the emails you'll be receiving over the next few days for more
information and personalized next steps for your current
Communication Zone. From the link in your email,
download your FREE Calm and Connected Communication & Support Guide to
help you to move upwards towards, and stay in, the more Open
zones, and get close and connected with your partner.
The first email from the Couples Communication Institute will be in your inbox,
so download your guide from there. To keep moving your relationship
forward to the next level, so you can connect and get closer,
be sure to register for the next FREE WEBINAR at the link below on this page.
I'll see you on the other side,
as you work to get close and connected with your partner.