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Great job being curious and motivated about your relationship.
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I'm excited to help you and your partner, or any loved one,
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get closer and more connected by understanding which of the five
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Communication Zones you're currently in,
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you'll know what you need to do next to improve your communication so you can
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stop struggling, talk about anything and grow close and connected.
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You and your partner are currently in the Revolving Communication Zone.
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This means that you're part-way open and part-way closed.
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In the Revolving Communication Zone,
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you have some good skills and habits,
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and can also be stuck in irritation and failed attempts to talk.
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Some days, conversations get somewhere,
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and other days you regret bringing something up.
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One or the other of you can feel seen, heard,
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or understood at times, but not consistently.
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Depending on the swing of the door,
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you can feel hopeful or really blocked.
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Your relationship can get more consistently close,
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with some loving work and attention to move step-by-step up through the
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Communication Zones.
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There are five Communications Zones in all,
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ranging from Closed to Open,
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and you can move up towards the Open Zone with safety and the right
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skills and structure. Now you'll hear about your Zone again,
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and how it fits with the others. In the Closed Zone,
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communication between the two of you doesn't feel safe,
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and you're easily startled, or might feel threatened by attempts to talk.
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You're struggling, and you feel distant from each other. In the Guarded Zone,
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you're able to talk sometimes under the best circumstances,
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but you close up quickly under stress.
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You still feel unsafe a lot, and your struggles are keeping you disconnected.
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In the Revolving Zone you're likely cycling between feeling safe
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and unsafe, depending on the situation at that moment.
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You feel hopeful at times when you talk well together,
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and worried at other times when your communication closes back up.
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In the Accessible Zone,
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you're likely to feel calm most of the time when you want to talk,
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and you're confident you can talk through the everyday discussions for the most
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part. You want to grow closer and you know it's possible.
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In the Open Zone you feel relaxed and welcoming when you want to talk.
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Most of your conversations go pretty smoothly, and talking is enjoyable.
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You're eager to take your relationship deeper,
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to feel truly close and connected.
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Moving beyond these five zones, to optimal communication,
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is where you'd like to go in your relationship.
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When you know how to communicate really well,
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you can dive deeper and explore the relationship and lives you
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dreamed of having together. I'm Dr. Sarah Rattray,
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leading Couples Psychologist and Founder & CEO of the Couples
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Communication Institute,
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where it's our mission to help you move up from those closed,
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struggling zones,
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to grow the confidence to communicate and thrive together,
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and then beyond to the kind of closeness and connection that
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few couples are able to achieve.
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Since your relationship is currently in the Revolving Zone.
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Your priority now is more reliably creating the conditions for having
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Open communication,
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and moving farther away from the Closed Communication Zone.
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You know how when you and your partner try to talk,
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and there are some times when it's almost guaranteed to go poorly?
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For me,
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it's trying to talk when I'm rushing to get out the door,
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or last thing before bed at night.
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Here's an easy yet game-changing tip I want to share with you.
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Start out by thinking through your own energy and flow in the course
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of your day and your week,
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and identify the best times for you to have a quality conversation;
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some runner-up good times; and the worst times.
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Now do the same for your partner's time. If it's comfortable,
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ask your partner directly.
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But if this is a more closed time between the two of you,
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make your best guess until you can ask them for the time of day your
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partner's energy is best to talk together. Then,
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take a leadership role and make a point to have your next conversation with your
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partner be at a time when energy and flow will be best for
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both of you.
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Check the emails you'll be receiving over the next few days for more
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information and personalized next steps for your current
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Communication Zone. From the link in your email,
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download your FREE Calm and Connected Communication & Support Guide to
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help you to move upwards towards, and stay in, the more Open
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zones, and get close and connected with your partner.
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The first email from the Couples Communication Institute will be in your inbox,
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so download your guide from there. To keep moving your relationship
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forward to the next level, so you can connect and get closer,
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be sure to register for the next FREE WEBINAR at the link below on this page.
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I'll see you on the other side,
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as you work to get close and connected with your partner.