0: Great job being curious and motivated about your relationship.
I'm excited to help you and your partner, or any loved one,
get closer and more connected.
By understanding which of the five Communication Zones you're currently in,
you'll know what you need to do next to improve your communication,
so you can stop struggling, talk about anything,
and grow close and connected.
1: You and your partner are currently in the Closed Communication Zone.
This means that talking to each other just isn't working right now.
In the Closed Communication Zone,
it's likely that communication is challenging almost all the time.
It doesn't feel safe to talk together, and you rarely feel seen,
heard, or understood by each other.
When you try to talk you may come to regret it,
as one or both of you feels irritated, annoyed, or dismissed.
Sometimes when you try to talk it seems your conversations fail before they
even begin. Your relationship can get there,
with some loving work and attention to move up step-by-step through the
Communication Zones. There are five Communications Zones in all,
ranging from Closed to Open,
and you can move up towards the Open Zone with safety and the right
skills and structure. Now you'll hear about your Zone again,
and how it fits with the others. In the Closed Zone,
communication between the two of you doesn't feel safe,
and you're easily startled, or might feel threatened by attempts to talk.
You're struggling, and you feel distant from each other. In the Guarded Zone,
you're able to talk sometimes under the best circumstances,
but you close up quickly under stress. You still feel unsafe a lot,
and your struggles are keeping you disconnected.
In the Revolving Zone you're likely cycling between feeling safe and
unsafe, depending on the situation at that moment.
You feel hopeful at times when you talk well together,
and worried at other times when your communication closes back up.
In the Accessible Zone,
you're likely to feel calm most of the time when you want to talk,
and you're confident you can talk through the everyday discussions for the
most part. You want to grow closer and you know it's possible.
In the Open Zone you feel relaxed and welcoming when you want to talk.
Most of your conversations go pretty smoothly, and talking is enjoyable.
You're eager to take your relationship deeper,
to feel truly close and connected.
Moving beyond these five zones, to optimal communication,
is where you'd like to go in your relationship.
When you know how to communicate really well,
you can dive deeper and explore the relationship and lives you
dreamed of having together. I'm Dr. Sarah Rattray,
leading Couples Psychologist,
and Founder & CEO of the Couples Communication Institute,
where it's our mission to help you move up from those closed,
struggling zones,
to grow the confidence to communicate and thrive together,
and then beyond to the kind of closeness and connection that
few couples are able to achieve.
Since your relationship is currently in the Closed Zone,
your first priority is creating safety and
calm inside yourself as much as possible. You know,
how it feels in your body when someone's talking to you and you feel
uneasy, self-protective and maybe trapped?
As compared to when you're feeling open and calm.
And you know how conversations tend to go from bad to worse,
really fast if you keep talking when you felt that uneasy
feeling at first?
Here's an easy and game changing tip I want to share with you.
To buy yourself time to calm down and talk when you feel
ready, start out by saying:
"I really want to talk to you about this. However,
I'm not up for it right now.
Let's find another time when we can talk together." And then take
care of yourself by spending a few minutes doing some deep breathing
or other relaxing activity right away,
and especially spend a few minutes relaxing before the time you're going to talk
together next.
0: Check the emails you'll be receiving over the next few days
for more information and personalized next steps for your
current Communication Zone.
Download your free "Calm and Connected Communication & Support"
Guide below to help you to move upwards towards and stay
in the more Open Zones and get close and connected with your
partner. Download it right now!
1: I'll see you on the other side,
as you work to get close and connected with your partner.