When we’re in a rough patch in our relationship, it’s easy to forget why we ever got together in the first place. We might wonder how we got to where we are now and what we ever saw in our partner. We know we loved them at one point, and maybe we still do, but even looking at them now makes you mad, sad, or afraid.
This is how we lose touch with the love and joy we felt in the beginning. We rarely take the time to actually remember the beginning.
So think about it. Why did you get together in the first place? What drew you to them? What did you enjoy doing together in the beginning?
And did you say to your partner, “I want to have you in the background somewhere while I go about my own life,” or did you say, “I want to be in a connected relationship with your awesome self as a part of me doing my own life”?
Now that you’ve committed to each other, in order to have a long-lasting and successful relationship, you have to work to keep that connection.
Revisit the Past
To reconnect with that love and joy you felt in the beginning, look back into the past and bring forward the most successful things that you did in the beginning. Think about the ways you treated each other, the quality of time that you spent together, the things they did that you loved, and the things you did that they loved. Remember those first electric touches. Think of the fun you had together and the conversations you had.
Spend a few minutes remembering this. If you have pictures from the beginning of your relationship, use those to help you. Write down the good feelings and memories in a journal if you’d like, or read any notes and journals you have from that time.
Aren’t you starting to feel those butterflies again just by reading this?
Every couple has a door between them. How open is yours?
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Hi there I'm Dr Sarah Rattray
For over 30 years I've helped couples get closer and more connected by strengthening your communication. I'm known for my wise, grounded, caring energy, and for providing clear, practical steps you can take right away to improve the way you talk with each other.
Get Excited About the Future
After you’ve taken a walk through your past, it’s time to reach into your future. What are your dreams for how you really want to be together? How do you really want to treat each other? How do you want to feel together? How do you want to spend your time with the person that you love?
Get out your journal again and write your thoughts about this. Picturing what you want is the first step to actually getting it!
By now, you might actually feel giddy. So start treating your partner like you did in the beginning and how you would in your future vision. Read your notes regularly, reminisce, and call on those feelings whenever you want.
The bottom line is, the reason you got together in the first place is that you wanted to be together. So, show it.
But how do I get there?
Changing a relationship requires communication, and communication skills can be learned! To start building the relationship you want, check out my free video series, From Conflict to Communication, so you can start having those conversations with your partner that will lead to the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Remember why you started, and know that you can feel like that again. You’ve got this!
Interested in more tips on mastering your relationship?
Check out my webinar, Connection and Closeness, this September 25th-28th.